sanity, aisle five

By the time I finish this post, I will have gotten what I needed out of today.  I needed grounding.  I needed to put workout clothes on with a real intention of working out.  I needed Target.  I needed the warm smell of popcorn mixed with coffee as the automatic doors gesture a welcoming entrance.  I needed the dollar section, and the familiar items all in their familiar places.  There are no expectations at Target.  My appearance can be fresh or worn, I can simply browse or shop enthusiastically.  I can buy cleaning supplies and new eyeliner, toilet paper and a bikini, bread and a new book.  In Target, I can feel anonymous yet connected, surrounded by things for a home.

When my kids were little and my husband would come home from work, I’d high-five him on my way out the door, get into my minivan alone but in a baby daze and drive to Target.  I’d wander aimlessly for as long as I needed to while I shopped for patience and sanity, then I’d drive back home.

Still, as if on autopilot, my car ends up in the Target parking lot when I’m overwhelmed or overtired and in need of a noncommittal outing.  One night, the idea of actually shopping was just too much, so I circled the parking lot until I felt ready to answer to the words Mom or Hun.  

Today, I ordered a prescription refill over the phone in the Target parking lot.  The wifi is great, so I often respond to emails and return calls and texts.  It’s like an office, really.  During my own stay-at-home mom lunch break I’ve taken my favorite to-go salad to the Target parking lot to eat it quietly in my own little private car bubble.  There is just enough activity in the parking lot to not feel alone, but at the same time, no one needs you.  It's an on the go productive break, if you need it to feel that way.

I do a lot of my deep thinking at Target.  In fact, I almost named my blog DeepThoughtsFromTarget. 

After picking up lunch bags, fiber gummies and storage bins, I found the most important thing I needed today.  I found the exquisite and delicious luxury, of streaming, uninterrupted thoughts flowing through my mind, and then, I headed for the checkout.