I was excited to attend my daughter's middle school information session this morning. I took a shower, did my hair and make-up and was pleasantly surprised at how I turned out. So surprised in fact, I had to re-introduce myself to the woman in the mirror because it had been awhile since showered Me had met work-out clothes Me. Sweetly, they winked to each other, smiled and did a double thumbs-up. It was just yesterday, I was feeling like I was the least showered Mom on an elementary school campus, ever. "Oh, she must've just worked out" is the look I normally go for. But today, I was all put together and feeling very mature. I chose to wear sensible Gap jeans, a black, ribbed turtleneck sweater and a royal blue Georgiou brand jacket that I got on sale but hadn't worn yet because I wondered if it was too mature for me. But this morning, I pulled the tag off.
From the onset of the meeting I noticed many worried faces, the majority seemed to rule that they can't imagine we are already "here". A collective sigh, 'ugh, middle school' seemed to fill the air. But I didn't get it. The Principal gave a nice talk and everything sounded peachy to me. Then, parents started asking questions about discipline policies, GATE programs, how they are handling this increase and that decrease. All wanting to know how their child will fit in and will they be supported. Words like 'detention', 'fights' and 'bullying' came up. I started to feel like I should be thinking up some serious questions too but I just didn't have any at that point. Through the years, I have come to rely on these thoughtful parents who ask the hard questions. They get to the bottom of important issues quickly and I am comforted in the end to have the knowledge their inquiries provide.
However, I couldn't help but wonder and question myself as to why I felt so optimistic amongst the vibe of concern? It seemed like an exciting, fun, challenging adventure to look forward to. Truth is, I had more question and concern before her middle school immunizations. Am I from planet 'Naive' which is next to planet 'Ignorant' which circles planet 'Head in the Clouds'? My thoughts were like this, 'Wow, the campus is beautiful and smaller than I imagined…..the teachers look young and hip and easy to relate to. The art program makes me want to jump for joy, and hearing the 8th grade band makes me want to cry because I feel so proud of the students and impressed by the teacher! The library is big and friendly with books I can imagine my daughter reading. The staff wants to make geography fun so kids really know where they are in the world, and they understand that algebra is the foundation for all higher math classes so they work long and hard to prepare the students. Academic support, open communication policies, clubs for everyone. All for free? Sign.me.up.
The only time a little, tiny pink flag went up in my mind was when I saw a handwritten, glittery poster advertising 'Valentines Day Dance'. Imagining my 6th grader at a dance with 8th graders kinda freaked me out, but then I remembered another word that came up during the Principal's nice talk and that was 'volunteer'. And then, I dusted off the word 'chaperone' from my vocabulary and I was immediately soothed.
No one is more surprised by my relaxed and enthusiastic attitude than I am. I'm normally wired so that if I was doing a free association test in a psychiatrist's office and they were to say a word, then you say the first thing that comes to mind, it would go like this, "apple"-"choking hazard", "flower"-"allergies". In my mind if I hear that someone has a stiff neck, I immediately think they might have meningitis, and a tummy ache goes to appendicitis in less than 5 seconds.
So, it's like it was getting dressed this morning. I'm sitting with that woman I haven't met since kindergarten orientation when I felt happy for my daughter to begin her academic journey but of course, I was also nervous. Who was going to remind her to go potty, tie her shoes laces, and would she ever learn to read? But, what I worried about most, was her getting lost. Some things never change. However, I wasn't the Mom who cried after drop off because my baby is all grown up, nor was I the Mom who did the happy dance because now I had more free time. I was somewhere in the middle.
I remember the challenges of middle school well. The awkward dances, awkward zits, awkward discoveries, awkward feelings, awkward growth. But it's not ALWAYS awkward! I remember turning out impressive projects and figuring out how to be a student, and friend. I remember feeling things deeply and having real conversations with grown-ups. I remember being taken seriously by my teachers, and I remember feeling brave. And I have very fond memories of curling my hair in the bathrooms in between classes with the cordless Clicker curling iron.
My daughter may love her new school, or hate it, or be somewhere in the middle. And, her feelings may change day to day. I totally get that. I want her to experience her own independence without her feeling abandoned, and I want her to know that I'm there for her without her being embarrassed by it. By the end of the tour, I finally did have one question that I asked privately on my way out from the tour. It was about the first day of school drop off situation. In my most casual, easy going persona I asked, "So…on the first day……what do we do…. just drop them off at the gate? or do we walk onto campus with them?" The Vice Principal looked at me with kindness in his eyes and said, "you do what's right for your child, if they want you to walk in with them you can, but rest assured they will be prepared during orientation." And I was reminded of my upcoming and ongoing challenge, balance, and how it always seems to be found somewhere in the middle.
