I was holiday shopping with two of my best girlfriends last week.
One of my friends was alone at the register making the daring purchase of
a little black dress. What I didn't hear was the saleslady asking
little-black-dress friend if the three of us "worked" together.
Outside the store, when little-black-dress friend told us about this
exchange from the register counter, it stopped us in our tracks!
"She thought we worked?" my stunned friend asked, as if the
question had taken her breath away.
In that moment, it was the greatest compliment we could've heard.
We are in our mid 40s and have been stay-at-moms since our late 20s and
early 30s. (I really don't feel like qualifying this statement by saying
we wouldn't have it any other way and we feel very, very blessed, even though
it's true. It's just one of those statements that ties everything up with
a neat little ribbon and it's more complex than that.)
We know what can happen to career at-home moms. Some of us stop
dressing like we use to because we have nowhere to go and no one to see.
We dress for ourselves, for our workplace, which involves a lot of
dog hair and food stains. And unfortunately, sometimes we get down if we
don't feel connected to the pulse of the world. We can feel suddenly
unproductive and then become comfortable with being less productive, and then
become disappointed that we are comfortable with being less productive.
We can feel lonely, or just plain tired, and it's reflected not only in
our outfits but deep in our eyes.
In our fantasy, my friends and I imagined she asked the question
because we looked like we were pulled together and confident in our
contributions to the world. Maybe we looked smart. Maybe we looked
like we have that bond that happens when you spend so many hours of so many
days with co-workers. Maybe we looked capable and accomplished.
Maybe it was all because of the little black dress and all the places we
would be going wearing a little black dress, like to the company work party!
I recently had to decline an evite to an ornament exchange because of
my husband's office party. I'll admit that in my reply I said,
"Thanks for the invite but I have a previous commitment to an office party that night, have fun!" I didn't explain that it was my husband's
office party. I felt so important and in demand when I hit send. But
the joke was on me because it was my close friends going to the ornament
exchange, and they know I don't have an office to go to and that
I am a goober.
I admire working mothers every single day. Not only because my
Mom had a career as a teacher and managed to take care of 5 kids, but because
every time I feel overwhelmed, I think, "SHE (working mothers) does
this AND works all day. She does laundry, helps with homework, tends to
sick kids, attends evening meeting, puts good grades on the refrigerator,
picks up dry cleaning, cleans house, puts gas in the car, manages emotions,
worries, works out, rsvps-and OH MY GOODNESS-the list goes on and on and on
straight up into the heavens where I know it is all being noticed, and back.
These observations blow my mind and give me a good dose of perspective
that my whiny attitude needs sometimes.
Whether a woman works because she wants to or has to, working women
seem to have a pulse on the outside world and a pulse on the world inside their
homes. They probably don't get all of their news and information from
their Facebook feed like I do.
So when someone thinks this stay-at-home mom is a working mom, it
feels like a compliment for sure.
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